To go. . .to stay?

I know it’s only a year, but looking ahead, I’m guessing it will be longer. I’ve wanted to do overseas missions my whole life. But now that the time has come to leave, I find myself not really wanting to go.

I have a life and people I love in San Luis Obispo. It feels like home, and in many ways I am living my dream: nannying for a family I adore, having a mentor and family I weekly gather with, enjoying the deepest friendships of my life, living near my sister and new brother-in-law, constantly surrounded by nature and beauty.

But I keep reminding myself of the truth: “For this world is not our home; we are looking forward to our everlasting home in heaven” (Hebrews 13:1) and “For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” (Matthew 16:25).

Don’t hear me saying I’m not looking forward to serving in Bolivia. But in preparing to go, I am counting the costs, and they feel heavy.

In deciding to go, I created this list to help discern next steps. Just from laying out the facts, I felt called to go.

But as I was praying about this decision, I wanted a clear sign from God that this opportunity was from Him. I prayed that someone, unprompted by me, would offer to financially donate to the mission. I even kept tight lips about my plans for the upcoming year, partially out of wanting to stay in SLO, partially out of anticipation of seeing how God would answer. At my sister’s wedding, an aunt approached me, saying that if I was interested in missions for the next year, she and my uncle would donate as they were able. I fully believe that her offer was a direct response to my prayer for guidance.

I know that anything I trial on this earth is light & momentary. When I focus on my short-sighted goals and earthly desires, giving my life to God feels weighty. But focusing on Christ’s love for me, and His call to follow Him, I join in saying, “were the whole realm of nature mine, that were an offering far too small. Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all.”

So, I am looking forward with anticipation to see how I might love God through loving others in this upcoming year and with my life.